and i just can't seem to stop being scared and just go do it for once. grr i keep messing up my chances.
i need to get out of singapore man
i try to imagine what would happen if i stop studying and just screw up my blocks and 'a's and then i can go back to a nice relaxing route
gibberish. i'm talking gibberish again. like the vomit of words for my econs and geog papers.
shall go do stupid facebook quizzes.
Tuesday, June 09, 2009
10:28 AM
~ birthday memories ~
dinner at mortons on Sunday. They printed special menus for us! incredible! they decorated the table with confetti too.
(above) from lovely Fac Comm :)
(below) from lovely 08S6B! you guys really made my birthday one of my happiest days this year!! thank you! you guys are super sweet i am damn touched!!!
(below) from my brother and jessica. haha so sweet also! finally he gave me a birthday present!
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
10:04 PM
falling slowly...
I don't know you But I want you All the more for that Words fall through me And always fool me And I can't react And games that never amount To more than they're meant Will play themselves out
Take this sinking boat and point it home We've still got time Raise your hopeful voice you have a choice You'll make it now
Falling slowly, eyes that know me And I can't go back Moods that take me and erase me And I'm painted black You have suffered enough And warred with yourself It's time that you won
Take this sinking boat and point it home We've still got time Raise your hopeful voice you had a choice You've made it now Falling slowly sing your melody I'll sing along
Monday, May 18, 2009
11:23 PM
this may sound weird, but i enjoy going to airports.
waiting can be a nuisance, but not when you're in an airport.
i like to wander around from gate to gate.
you get to see all these people from all over the world, scrutinize their outfits, wonder whether knee-high boots and mini skirts are the best way to travel, check out their branded bags and luggage, make up stories of where they come from and why they're here.
and there's also the waiting crowd. families, little kids who like to swing on the bars, drivers holding made-obviously-in-the-last-minute signs of important-sounding businessmen in the same old black suits and black luggage.
then there's the glamorous and not so glamorous air stewardesses who sometimes wear to much makeup, and you try to imagine how their life flying all over the world must be.
of course, whats an airport without the dashing pilots? With their smart uniforms and confident aura, it's hard not to notice when they walk past, silently admiring how they can actually control such a humongous transport vehicle with such ease.
its nice to have my mom back home again. she just promised that she'll take me to beijing next time. i guess i'll add that on my list.
i think my phase is blowing over. which is a good thing, because i'm feeling much more positive now. i don't think about it too much now, and i'm cutting down so i guess it's a good sign. went to watch a volleyball match today and it was the first time when i felt excited and happy and relaxed all together in a long time...
7:28 PM
quotes from the new world
john smith:
Love... shall we deny it when it visits us... shall we not take what we are given.
~
I thought it was a dream, what we had in the forest. It's the only truth.
~
There's something I know when I'm with you that I forget when I'm away.
pocahontas/rebecca:
You are the man I thought you were... and more.
~
Mother, why can't I feel as I should... must? Take out the thorn.
~
Mother, where do you live? In the sky? The clouds? The sea? Show me your face. Give me a sign. We rise... we rise. Afraid of myself. A god he seems to me. What else if life but being near you? Do they suspect? Oh to be given to you. You to me. I will be faithful to you. True. Two no more. One. One. I am... I am...
john rolfe:
Who are you? What do you dream of?
~
In my vanity I thought I could make you love me, and one cannot do that and should not. You have walked blindly into a situation you did not anticipate.
~
She weaves all things together.
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
10:14 PM
its like i'm wearing a mask...
my body is forced to move but my mind is blank, my only thoughts are on how much time is left before everything is over
facing all these irritating people who only want the limelight
which is sometimes why i hate performances because it becomes more than just dancing, but
'showing off'... a competition...a mess
Monday, May 04, 2009
10:30 PM
how do you describe this feeling?
you feel trapped. yet you know you're not.
you know you don't deserve it. yet you still do it.
you know its pointless. yet you enjoy it.
you want it to stop. yet you can't help it.
so the show goes on...
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
11:14 PM
three little lines.
i feel like i'm acting my life out
pretending to smile, pretending to laugh, pretending to like someone
i make-believe empty fantasies, do things that i thought were so silly and foolish before
and i feel so sick i'm actually liking it. the sting.
i know i don't deserve to feel like this, to do these things.
but i can't help thinking about it and wondering how it feels like, and what will happen.
its like my daring move, finally having the courage to do something, even though its not what i really want but
i hate
Sunday, April 26, 2009
9:02 PM
i made a horrible discovery that whenever things reach that certain point, outside of my comfort zone, i'll turn and run away. and totally ignore it, pretending that it never happened. each time its been this way.
my future is doomed...
or maybe i'm just better off this way
the girl
eileen
18
Hwa Chong Institution (college)
Music and Dance Society
Art Club
Artemis
pinklover
~
currently...
listening to:
reading:
watching:
writing:
what i really want at this moment: a freaking life
~
my memories
2009:
`Orientation09
`Artemis Fac Dance 09 POP
`Dramafeste
`Fac CIP
`Danceworks
`The Odd Ball
`Back Again
2008:
`Orientation08
`Dramafeste
`Hat That!
`Shake! 2008
`USA Humanities Trip
`APYLS 2008
`A Date with Sara
`Tapestry 2008
`Teachers Day: I can make you dance
`FOS: Volley Champion
`Open House 2008
`OCIP Cambodia
2007:
`High School Musical (CNY Concert)
`NYSC Investiture 2007 IN SYNC
`Sec4 Graces Camp
`SYF MULAN GWH
`Leadership Sharing Forum
`Council June Camp
`HCI APYLS
`Nanyang 90th Anniversary
`Sillicon Valley Trip
2006:
`Best things (orientation)
`A HAT FULL OF STARS
`Investiture 2006 Novare Res
`Odyssey of the Mind (3rd runner up)
`P6 Camp `Council June Camp
`NY Glitters `Gym fiesta: Rumble
`Teachers' Day PERFECT MAN
`Grad Mag Reminiscence '06
`EOY Prog Shanghai Jinyuan
`3rd in Class
`Modern Dance Camp
2005:
`Tonight is what it means to be Young
`Lifeskills Camp '05
`Chinese New Year Decoration Competition
`Odyssey of the Mind
`SYF Fearlessly Feminine
`Qian Hong
`Chinese Dance Inter-class Competition (2nd)
`Festival of Arts
`Best Things in Life are Free
`MD CIP with d'artists
`Council Camp 05
`Modern Dance Camp
2004:
`Lifeskills Camp '04
`Shakala
`Dance Camp '04